Non Athletic Sport Centered Around Rednecks. Go fast, turn left. Ok, I alternated watching bits of the Gaytona 500 yesterday, in between naps. I should have slept right through , but couldn’t with that inbred idiot Darryl Waltrip yelling boggity-boogity-boogity every freakin time I dozed off. What the hell is that anyway- battle cry of the Hillbilly? Really makes him sound like an itellingent redneck- perhaps even smarter than a 5th grader. Further proof the Waltrip family vine has no branches- MIchael Waltrip. To listen to him talk, you’d think you were talking to his sister with is squeaky little voice.
Ok, so they drove around in circles, with hardly a crash, or yellow flag, right until it starts getting close to the end. This is where, based on past events as well as current, that its as rigged as a WWF deathmatch.
NASCAR, it its unending array of attempts to pussify the sport, has done several things the past few years to SLOW DOWN racers. Restrictor plates- can’t have ‘em going too fast, they might crash and get hurt.. (Same theory is used for the bumper cars at the county fair) So they slow down drivers who are supposed to go fast. Then, with governors on all the cars, they get all bunched up( just like their chromosomes).and they crash. Oh no, Mr Big Shot with his multi-million dollar sponsors didnt make it to the winners circle ??? No problem, another fix is easy enough. We can penalize drivers for ” aggresive driving” so if they get too far ahead, or pass someone without saying ‘ excuse me” they have to go down a lap. God forbid they have to drive in the rain- the dampness might smear Jeff Gordons makeup. Or mess up his hair. Someone hacks a loogie out the window on lap 97, and they throw a yellow flag,as it might cause “THe Big One’. What a collective bunch of pansie asses. Your ’sport’ was borne out of your ancestors driving like hell running moonshine around the south, and trying not to get shot for sleepin with thier cousins. And you wimps can’t race in a little rain? Hell, golfers have more balls than that! Just to make thing more stupid, they give them smaller gas tanks, so they have to STOP more often. That really makes a lot of sense, when the idea is to go fast. Unless you want the ’sponor challenged’ drivers to be able to catch up.
Did you ever notice it seems the same drivers seemingly crash 80% of the time, and always towards the end of the race. Of course, that is so the big dollar heads can slip up to the front, and all the fat broads in spandex pants and Dale Earnhardt shirts can get all gooey and jump up and down in the stands. Then of course Mr Overrated makes a run at a win, only to squander it away,so the upstart can squirt past at the last minute. He is likely the one who was the good boy, crashing over and over again in other “races” and is occasionally given a win to appease him. But for the most part of their careers, they are the puppets of Nascar. Once they pay their dues, NASCAR floats them a big dollar sponsor and they can run up front instead of into the wall. It used to be there were real drivers- Richard Petty, Dale Earnhardt Sr( not his pussy son) Cale Yarborough who could win multiple championships, and did so by WINNING races, not just being within eyesight of the winner. Now a bunch of pantywaste sissies, who can’t tell the gas petal from the gas cap. There was a time when a slow driver in the way was shown the wall, instead of today when they run into it on purpose to allow the pretty-boys to get back to the front.
Oh, lets not forget the “FREE PASS” given to the driver who is down a lap, they get a free pass back to the lead lap “just because”. Why in the name of racing would they do that? Estrogen, thats why!
And finally, I have never seen another sport that those who come in 3rd, 4th, 8th place- whatever- are happy about it and congratulate their crew. Hey dipshit- you lost!
Dale Jr. – Uh, yeah, we came in 8th, but we were leading earlier and , well, the boys did a great job, I’m proud of them… blah blah blah.
Should sound like- We Freakin lost. I suck. The crew sucked. The other Mf’er was faster than us. its that simple. I should be ashamed to share my Daddy’s name ( or is it my uncles?) Anyway, we suck. I gotta go find a real driver to teach me what my daddy(uncle) tried.
coming in second or third is kinda like going into the woods and freezin your ass off for hours only to walk out with nothing. you felt good about your effort but were left empty handed.
obviously cousins are off limits in your eyes, we already know your feelings on sheep. i fail to see much difference.
i will have to give you the hatred with boogity, boogity , boogity, i mute the t.v. when he is about to say it and close my eyes and imagine darryls head exploding as the green flag drops.
btw isnt autumn a girls name?????????
Hey, leave the lyin sheep out of this!
Nascar usta be a bunch of over shined speed freaks runnin’ all out to see who was fastest. A few left turns were thrown in as to require a bit more than the ability t mash the go pedal to the floor and have the grapes to do what the others didn’t . Now, in the neutered and sterile arena of prepaid sporting events (as in you pay to play) Nascar is standing out as one of the most non-competitive of them all. I dare to say they they may have the fix so perfectly orchestrated as to overshadow boxing and WWF in dives for paychecks. Anyone who truly believes that winning a race means more to the top 10 driving celebs than a 7 figure deal to pimp a sub sammich, blue jeans, or mega home center should not be commenting about sheep for any reason.
The only real racing happens on deserted streets and on small obscure racetracks around this great land. The SCCA membership race from That to Freeze, rain or shine, night and day without stadium lighting. Those guys can drive and race and prove it every weekend they run.
Putting a marketable face or name in a cookie cutter car setup to run 200 mph. on a banked oval with the gas pedal matted with brake and clutch used 4 times in 3 hrs. is not racing. No, it’s driving fast in an elliptical pattern while pimping products, selling tickets, selling TV air time, then pimping some more by somehow making the retarded followers believe the drinking Diet coke in some way is a such a good thing that they should put down their cheezy poofs and go buy some…..